I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
this is an emotional support booty call
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize