Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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