Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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