He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
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dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
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I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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