who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize