she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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