arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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