Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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