we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize