I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize