i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
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Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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