I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
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I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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