Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
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idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
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I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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