So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize