U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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