I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
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I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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