Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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