her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize