It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
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I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
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She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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