oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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