Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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