I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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