Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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