and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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