You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
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I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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