I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize