Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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