Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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