Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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