I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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