I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
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Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
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He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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