Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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