shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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