i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize