She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
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I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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