Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We were destined to go to rehab together
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize