I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
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And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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