Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
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slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
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I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The air taste purple.
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