I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize