Screwed.edu
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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