no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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