It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
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