Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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