Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize