Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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