I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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