I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you win again, gameday.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
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Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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