Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize