I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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