masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think your dad took our porno
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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